一、我怎么敢跟你网恋啊 你处过的女生比我补过的小兵都多
How dare I fall in love with you online? Youve had more girls than Ive made up for.
二、大伙把手上的活都停一停，来做道数学题：老婆婆 - 婆=？
Everyone stopped all their work and did a math problem: old woman-old woman =?
三、所谓猪一样的室友就是，我感冒，让他带一盒白加黑，结果他给我带了一包奥利奥。
The so-called roommate like a pig is that I caught a cold and asked him to bring a box of white and black. As a result, he brought me a pack of Oreos.
四、有没有懂车的朋友 麻烦给我推荐一款200万以下两块钱的帽子 最近自行车太晒人了.
Do you have any friends who know about cars? Please recommend a hat with less than 2 million yuan. Recently, bicycles are too sun-drying.
五、我是一个比较成熟的人 像赌气不吃东西这种事我一般都是在吃饱后才做的.
Im a mature person. I usually do things like anger and not eating after eating.
六、我是个讲信用的人我说了要谈恋爱那我就要天天说.
Im a man of credit. If I say I want to fall in love, I have to say it every day.
七、有些人吃火锅吃到一半，突然靠着已被沉默不语，不是因为想起伤心事，而是想缓一缓再吃。
Some people eat hot pot halfway, and suddenly they have been silenced, not because they think of sad things, but because they want to wait for a while before eating.
八、从前有只小鸭，和两只鸭鸭斗地主，但是它的运气有点背，总是摸到2356，凑不到顺子，他就一边打，一边嘴里嘟囔着“没四鸭 没四鸭”
Once upon a time, there was a duckling who fought the landlord with two ducks, but his luck was a bit bad. He always touched 2356. If he couldn get a straight, he would fight and mutter, "No four ducks."
九、现在的男孩子怎么都这样啊，动不动就要见家长，我刚刚问他去不去看电影，他说看你爸。
Why are boys like this now? They always need to see their parents. I just asked him if he would go to the movies, and he said to see your dad.
十、喜欢吃一样东西是藏不住的，就算捂住嘴巴，口水还是会从指缝中溢出来。
You can hide what you like to eat. Even if you cover your mouth, your saliva will overflow from your fingers.
十一、你好像只会说一句话，我看了一下聊天记录，我们的聊天记录里，无论我说什么，你都只回一句：对方已开启好友验证，你还不是他好友。
It seems that you can only say one sentence. I looked at the chat records. In our chat records, no matter what I say, you only answer one sentence: the other party has opened friend authentication, and you are not his friend yet.
十二、了甜甜的恋爱还没轮到我 我是不是被插队了？
Its . Its not my turn to fall in love. Am I cut in line?
十三、今天吃了草莓 也吃了蓝莓 但还是忍不住看死了没
I ate strawberries and blueberries today, but I still can help but watch it die
十四、前男友结婚了给我发了请柬还炫耀他未婚妻爸爸是开劳斯莱斯的后来我发现我家司机也给我爸发了一张一模一样的请柬
My ex-boyfriend got married and sent me an invitation, showing off that his fiancees father drives a Rolls Royce. Later, I found out that my driver also sent my father an identical invitation
十五、别人问我能不能帮个忙 我一般都是先拒绝再问这个忙是什么然后再拒绝
When people ask me if I can help, I usually refuse to ask what the favor is and then refuse
十六、赛季快结束了这个赛季里我坑了不少人也没打算道歉快新赛季了提醒一下希望你们能提高一下自己的游戏水平不要带不动我
The season is coming to an end. I have cheated a lot of people this season, and I don intend to apologize. The new season is coming soon. Remind me that I hope you can improve your game level and don take me away
十七、一个乞丐端着破碗走到我跟前说：“求求你帮个忙吧”他的手一直在抖 我犹豫了一下 于是帮他端了一会
A beggar came up to me with a broken bowl and said, "please do me a favor." His hand was shaking all the time. I hesitated and helped him carry it for a while
十八、每次我向我的朋友抱怨生活的烦恼和遇到的不幸时 她们都会语重心长的对我说：哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
Every time I complain to my friends about the troubles and misfortunes in my life, they will say to me with great enthusiasm: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
十九、他要是真的想守护你，那为什么你家楼下的保安不是他?
If he really wants to guard you, why isn he the security guard downstairs?
二十、还在抱怨几千块钱的手机 一天到晚响都不想响吗 转账我52给你响一月
Still complaining that the mobile phone with thousands of dollars doesn want to ring all day long? Ill ring you 52 for a month
二十一、我发誓再也不喝奶茶了，我要是再喝一杯，我认识的所有人都胖十斤
I swear I will never drink milk tea again. If I drink another cup, everyone I know will gain ten pounds
